Disgrace? Shame, KOBs, Shame

Throughout the ups and downs of the last six years at the club, there has been one element of KOBs that has remained unchanged.  Even when things were at their bleakest on the field, we did not lose a boat race.  Six seasons of swallowing domination the likes of which were not rivaled by the extremely thirsty and gluttonous Roman Empire.

Boat racing may seem to some like a triviality, but to the few who risked their livers by consuming lots of beer quickly to retain for KOBs a modicum of dignity, the unbeaten record of the club in this area has been a beacon, a light in the the darkness of defeat, a lamp post at the end of the foggy street of despair, a guiding star to greener pastures where victory grazes on the lush grass of triumph.

There is a tradition at our club of winning boat races, if nothing else, and not only of winning but a tradition of winning these races in style.  One such victory was at the expense of Petersham in 1997, where two KOBs  lads defeated four Petersham boat racers by doubling up and drinking twice.  Another  famous win was the ‘let the other team get in front so Sarge can totally demoralise them at the end’ trick seen last year against Oakhill, and didn’t we all enjoy those times?

  • On Saturday the fine and noble tradition of boat racing at KOBs was ended and the memory of those and other great victories destroyed.
  • On Saturday, three herbal tea drinking powder puffs decided to masquerade as the KOBs boat racing team.
  • On Saturday the unthinkable happened.
  • On Saturday, after the great day of rugby we experienced, we were defeated in a boat race by Fairvale.
  • On Saturday, all that we held precious was poured down a huge metaphorical drain like so many tepid dregs of last night’s beer.
  • For some, the look of shock on their face lasted well into the next hour, it was like a close friend had moved interstate or your favourite TV show had been axed.
  • So it is time for the Kobweb to get a bit hard hitting, Mike Munro style, and dredge up the losers who should and will live in infamy for this.

The Culprits
Normally I wouldn’t point the finger at any one individual as responsible, but as there was a group involved I feel they should all be named.  In no particular order the people who should be held responsible are:

1. Club Captain Sarge
It was in his absence that this calamity befell the club.  He is a member of the team that remained unbeaten for so long. He is responsible for the maintenance of club traditions.  He wasn’t there when he was needed.

2. Acting Club Captain Paul McGettigan.
In a somewhat unnecessary, if not ludicrous display of “sportsmanship” he adjudicated in favour of a clearly beaten Fairvale side.  I know it was very close but if the benefit of the doubt doesn’t go towards the club defending a six year old record and that club is your club, then when would be a good time to give it the benefit of a considerable amount of doubt?

3. The boat race team on the night.
NEVER TAKE SIPS OF BEER IN A BOAT RACE!
Pour the whole thing down your throat, shirt, front, whatever in one go.  There are no points for good manners, be greedy, that’s what it’s about.

You three drink like mice…You should be banned from boat racing for life.  That said, you did actually win, though only by a few millilitres (see culprit 2).

4. The Club itself -ourselves.
We were there, we saw the pathetic display and we didn’t punish these three on the night.

One of the “team” is even the organiser of fining club members for other misdemeanors.  With the fine he should pay, we could all  holiday in Tahiti for six months as our end of season trip.

We have got to let people know you can’t walk all over the outstanding tradition of gullet opening at this club without serious repercussions.

Perhaps, it is complacency on all our parts that let such a turn of events unfold.  Perhaps, the boat race doesn’t matter because we won two of the three games on the day. Perhaps…

So with Fairvale’s singing of “2 all, 2 all, 2 all, 2 all” still ringing in our ears I suggest we take a collective look at ourselves in the mirror, do we really want to let on field success translate into boat race defeat? I, for one, think not.

by Maso