In the recent Federal budget a whole lot of money was allocated to combat childhood obesity among Australian kiddies.

There is also talk of bans on supposedly unhealthy foods being sold at school tuck shops. Now all this is a nice idea but the fact of the matter is Australians are getting too fit and too thin and it is beginning to show where it matters most, on the rugby field.

Last year’s Wallaby tour of France and the UK showed how desperately hard up Australia is for big fat blokes who are hard to shove around. We were out-scrummaged in every game and the results were embarrassing. We even lost to Wales… a nation known historically as “the thin men of Europe”.

What the Government should be doing is working out how we can get more big fat blokes and get them on a rugby paddock fast. Every week, when the KOBs team sheets are emailed out there is a plea from the coaches for prop forwards. If it is the same at every other club in the country and anecdotal evidence suggests that it is, then rugby in Australia is in crisis and our country needs its fatties more than ever. This is why the Government’s policies are short-sighted and wrong.

Of course there will be some so-called expert dieticians who will be up in arms about encouraging people to engage in “unhealthy” activities such as over-eating in the interests of sport. But lets just take a moment to examine who these dieticians really are. They are people with a vested interest in people changing their eating habits. So no matter what you are eating, dieticians will always say you are eating the wrong thing, otherwise they are out of a job. Thus you have to take anything they say with a grain of salt, or you would do if adding extra salt to your diet wasn’t so bad for you.

There will also be some fitness experts who will misguidedly suggest you can’t be fit and carry a few extra kegs around your waist-line (and I do mean kegs, not kilograms). But they are the same people who think paying money to a gymasium so you can lift things up and put them down again over and over is a good idea. In other words, they are idiots.

Overweight people are doing weight training everytime they get out of their car and waddle into Macca’s. So there’s a tip, don’t use the drive through. They are naturally strong as a result of having to lug around their own corpulence. And I for one say good on them for that, there are no better team players than the big boofy blokes stinking of stale beer and KFC, muscling down upfront in the engine room that is the scrum. They are heroes and should not only be encouraged, but celebrated.

Just as you don’t have an athletics carnival without the shot put needing putting, you can’t have a rugby match without scrums. So in the interests of scrums, in the interests of your rugby club, in the interests of your country; turn off your TV, turn off your computer, get off your arse and go and eat a family size pizza, make that a family size pizza with double cheese.

by Maso