Rugby’s Brave New World

Hello and welcome to a new column in a new newsletter in a new century. About 12 to 13 years ago, in response to being someone with a lot of better things to be doing with my time, I decided to resurrect the defunct King’s Old Boys’ Rugby Club Newsletter which was called the Rug Rag. You can see some examples of the content of the old Rug Rag on the club’s web site. As a result of my experiences during those first tenuous cliche ridden steps into the world of Rugby Newsletter publishing, I have been asked to write a column for this “New Millennium Rug Rag”, and as I still have a lot of better things to be doing, I have jumped at the chance to contribute.

And in response to losing most of the old Rug Rags I have decided to publish my columns in blog form.

It sure is fun to look back and laugh at how naive and backward folks were in the 20th Century, before such inventions as the Internet and that WWW world wide wibbley wobbley thing came along and solved all our problems. And a bit of retrospection highlights how far humanity has come in that time. We no longer have to pillage our forests for paper to print rugby newsletters as we produce them electronically. Thanks to the proliferation of cheap efficient highly skilled robots and women in the work force, we can now play rugby not just on Saturdays, but any damn time we feel like it. We now travel to rugby games not in precious fossil fuel wasting automobiles, trains and buses, but by personal teleportation devices or fusion-powered hover cars. War, disease, hunger and poverty are all things of the past, except for war, which was too much fun to eliminate completely.

Rugby on the paddock in the 21st century has changed greatly too. In those days scrums, line outs, mauls and rucks were not performed by high tech robots and scrummage droids like we have today. We had to rely on what are now known as Epsilon Class sub-intellect drudge work units now used for crash testing hover cars, in those days we called them forwards. Backs still play much the same role as they did then but with the release of the Cyberdyne Systems Show Pony 1000™, it won’t be long before rugby is pretty much fully automated and the players can go straight to the pub for post-match celebrations without the bother of actually having to play. Isn’t technology grand?

Over the coming Rugby season I will attempt through this column to come to terms with some of the developments in the game and some of the issues surrounding it. Sure, some of it will be inane ranting which has only a passing acquaintance with reality and logic, well actually most of it will be inane ranting, but from time to time I do hope to present some hidden truths about rugby and its place in and value to modern society and vice versa, whatever that means. If indeed after this rather bizarre and patchy start I am asked to write another column, I will try to become a little more informed about what the issues and developments in Rugby are.

by Maso