Round 5 Match Report: KOBs vs UNSW

After a lean week against Balmain KOBs travelled to UNSW keen to bounce back against the students. In the end it was an up and down day for the club, chalking up wins in 3s and 1s, and going down in 4s, colts and 2s.

4s once again kicked off the day, and once again went down in a super tight encounter. The end score was 12-8 to UNSW despite KOBs having the bulk of possession and territory. We weren’t helped by a horrible injury toll, or the mild hurricane that made lineout throwing near impossible. Meggo had a great game and picked up a try and 3 game points, with Tom Smith and Steve Marshall also having solid outings.

Then came 3s who needed a win after their gallant draw with Balmain last week. They started well with Derek scoring a great solo try from a lineout, however went to the break down 10-7.  They came up with the goods in the second half after a very patient build-up in the UNSW 22, with Brendon Boulos eventually dotting down. I didn’t see the try but am told it was yet another 100m effort, this time with 19 chip-and-chases, 31 goose steps and the construction of a 15 man human pyramid (I am still unsure why). They held on in the closing minutes to take the game 14-10, and are now on the verge of the Blunt Cup top 4. Nick Novak took home 3 game points after yet another gutsy effort, with Derek and Brendon also grabbing points.

Colties were up next, and came out hot to skip to an early 10-0 lead. However that’s where the fun would end, with UNSW staging a committed fightback to take the game 17-10. A key turning point in the game was the ejection of coach Kelsall after he launched an abusive tirade at the referee. After the game he was clearly hit hard by the loss- he was so shocked he could barely walk straight, and struggled to talk properly. Another explanation could be the half bottle of vodka he downed before the game. Scholars disagree on this, so we might never know the answer. Either way it was a hard loss to swallow for the Colties, with Luke Rowntree, Pumba, Wol and the gappies (Niall, Zayn, Liam, Harry and Louis, shown below) all had great games.

2s came out firing, however were behind the eight-ball early with UNSW scoring the first three tries of the game. They never recovered, and went down 29-7 with Gilmore scoring a late consolation try. Richie Croft had a good game out wide, as did Coatesy and Boggy. Gus Rutherford stood up to the sideline sledges (most of which were coming from the KOBs bench) to deliver a good performance at the back, and coach Deane even had a run. The moral of that story- stick to coaching son. (By the way I didn’t say that. I will obviously be available for selection in a few weeks and wouldn’t do anything so foolish as to piss off the coach. It was Gus, I swear).

So once again the 1s ran out with the club desperately needing a win to salvage some pride and club championship points. The game started slowly, with both KOBs and UNSW potting early penalties. We were the first to score with Mr Versatility James Ford crossing under the sticks after a great snipe from the base of the ruck. However UNSW hit back twice and we went to half time down 16-10. The picture looked even bleaker for KOBs when UNSW scored a try soonafter half-time, taking their lead to 11 points. This could have been considerably more had their kicker not been a complete… ah… you know. KOBs looked out on their feet, and the visiting crowd went silent.

Slowly but surely KOBs began to work their way back into the game, thanks to some great grunt work lead by Rob Lagudi, Josh Moule and TK. Aure potted a long-range penalty to bring the margin back to 8, before Brendan Davis dived over to narrow it to a measly three points. All of a sudden it was UNSW that was starting to tire. With just seconds left on the clock KOBs were camped on the UNSW line. Wave after wave of attack was repelled. But then the break came, and the ball spread wide to Gilmore, who proceeded to drop it cold with the line open. Coach Deane screamed and kicked the closest thing to him, which sadly happened to be Campbell Rogers’ baby.

But all was not lost- KOBs had the advantage so it came back to a penalty under the sticks. With time up and a 3 point deficit most people would be content to take the draw. But not KOBs. Fordy took the tap and flung it wide to Lagudi, who then flung it again out to Jordan on the wing. It was a bad pass and once again all looked lost. But then Jordan beat one tackler. Then another. Then another. And he was over! Try. KOBs win. The crowd erupts. Coach Deane spins around and plants a kiss on the nearest person, which once again happened to be Campbell Rogers’ baby. Arguably this act was even more inappropriate then the kick. But I suppose we all do crazy things after a great victory, so Campbell thankfully decided to drop the charges.

While the players were celebrating the victory I went to talk to the one player who had made an early exit from the field- Brett ‘Badman’ Sullivan, who received a heavy knock to the head early in the second half. I asked him what he thought of the game, to which he stared blankly off into the distance and muttered something about birds. So I decided to give him some distance. I then tried to interview Man of the Match Rob Lagudi, but we couldn’t find his translator. I tried to ask him a few questions but he could barely understand me and clearly spoke only broken English. So I went Kelsall for his analysis of the game, but he unleashed yet another drunken, abusive tirade, none of which could be published. Deano was still trying to apologise to Campbell Rogers, and Gus was last spotted deep in the throng of UNSW’s female supporters. So I went back to Badman, who gave me my only quote of the article- “The birds… how… what’s going on there?”. Insightful.

Next week we have a big game against Forest at home. They are always a strong side, so we will need to be on our game. Attendance at Thursday training is compulsory, so make sure you get down there.